Teens reviewing cigarettes

Mallory Ortberg on February 26, 2014 in Weird True Tales 1207862 Commentshttp%3A%2F% Is An Entire YouTube Channel of Teen Boys Reviewing Cigarettes2014 02 26 17%3A00%3A36Mallory Ortberghttp%3A%2F%

If this is not art, then nothing is art.

If this is not art, then nothing is art.

If this is not art, then nothing is art.

RealCigReviews is a YouTube channel with over 1000 subscribers that has not posted a new video in more than a year. The channel’s proprietor has reportedly quit. What remains, however, is a back catalog of more than 40 reviews by a group of teenage boys of different brands of cigarettes.

The reviews run about ten minutes long the boys are nothing if not thorough and every episode sees each teen smoke a representative of each brand from start to finish (excepting Djarum Blacks, which are notoriously long lasting). Most episodes are set in a garage in front of an American flag hung lengthwise a few take place outside and are accompanied by the soothing sound of crickets. All of them are deeply Zen. The boys talk quietly among themselves, light up a cigarette, and smoke in silence before describing the cigarettes to us, their faithful audience.

One of the boys he usually sits to stage left wears two bandanas in almost every video, one on his head, and one around his neck. In three of the reviews, he is inexplicably not wearing a shirt.

On Djarum Blacks (featuring guest star Ian)

«The taste is amazing.»

«Yeah, the taste is amazing.»

«The taste is amazing, it’s not like any other cigarette.»

On Camel Crush

«Yeah, this is the first pack I bought when I was eighteen, we’ve all tried these. I actually skipped school to go buy these.»

As one commenter points out, «These guys are chill as fuck.» A little before 2 00 on the Camel Crush video, Two Bandanas (who is, confusingly, not wearing any bandanas) puts on «Mississippi Queen» by Mountain, which his friend declares «some classic shit.»

«We’re into all types of music, honestly.»

«My dad actually told me about this band. Uh, he saw them live I don’t know when but he said it was the best show he’d ever been to. So I had to check ’em out.»

Please do not mistake my wild enthusiasm for irony here I love these little dudes so much it makes my heart ache. I want to roll myself up in masculinity and muscle tanks and live in a garage smoking cigarettes with them and talking about music and our dads until the Last Trump sounds.

When the brand in question is Kools, a young lady joins the boys. Her name is Lindsay. She doesn’t smoke.

The channel features only one non review video (although it does feature smoking) it is a Megal Gear Solid tribute.

It is seven minutes of silence broken only by the music from Metal Gear Solid as the boys smoke in the fashion of Snake from the opening sequence.

If this is not art, then nothing is art.

Tags cigarettes, dirtbags, living your best life, teens

Related Posts

  • How To Ensure A Hangover
  • Dealing Drugs And Getting Arrested in a Milton Friedman Fantasy World
  • Shock and Awe High School
  • Bus Rides I Have Had
  • Gal Science Let’s Panic About Antibiotic Resistance!
  • Freaks and Geeks and «Lesbian Jawline»» />Femslash Friday Kim/Lindsay on Freaks and Geeks and «Lesbian Jawline»

About Author by Mallory Ortberg

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

12078Latest Commentshttp%3A%2F% Is An Entire YouTube Channel of Teen Boys Reviewing Cigarettes2014 02 26 17%3A00%3A36Mallory Ortberghttp%3A%2F%

  1. brookshelley

    Bathrobe guy is like a young Arthur Dent

    Reply

  2. K.

    P sure I had wood/metal shop with these dudes in high school.

    Seriously, though, the Toast’s recent dedication to coverage of teen dirtbags makes my heart ache with memories of my own misspent youth & the neighborhood I grew up in. I was visiting my dad a few months ago and there was a group of long haired teen boys wearing sleeveless Megadeath t shirts standing on the corner just lighting stuff on fire. It was so good to see that something gold really can stay.

    Reply

    • EPWordsnatcher

      The weather was nice this weekend and I saw a squadron of babygoths walking up the street and it made me believe that spring might just be returning.

      Reply

    • malloryelis

      This comment made me SO HAPPY.

      Reply

    • robot dinosaur

      My own youth was spent in going to church dances, etc. I feel like I missed out on being a teen dirtbag. Maybe I can become one now I’m only in my twenties. (without the smoking on account of having the respiratory health of a ripped paper bag already.)

      Reply

      • CleverManka

        Yes. My own youth was very Good Girl. I made up for it in my twenties IN SPADES. I highly recommend the experience. If you can’t smoke (which is a pity I still love to smoke the occasional&#8230 well, the occasional ANYTHING), go crazy with everything else. Good times, bb. GOOD TIMES.

        Reply

        • robot dinosaur

          I could smoke, if I wanted to. But I’m predisposed to sinus infections and have pretty significant allergies. I don’t like the idea of smoking, really, other than wishing I could look cool like in the movies. All noir y, etc.

          Reply

          • CleverManka

            NGL, watching B&W movies as a kid is what got me smoking in my 20s. I was probably the only pre teen I knew who had a crush on Robert Mitchum. NO REGRETS.

            Reply

            • robot dinosaur

              Humphrey Bogart. Cary Grant. Gregory Peck (sometimes.)

              I still wish I looked like Audrey Hepburn.

              Reply

          • evieskye

            Ugh, IKR? It looks super cool and mysterious in the movies but one puff and I’d be hacking up a lung and looking for my inhaler. Inhalers are so not noir.

            Reply

        • robot dinosaur

          I’m definitely making up for it in terms of drinking! But my drinks are probably too fancy for real dirtbag status C

          Reply

      • keythah

        I am having terrifying visions thanks to your incredible metaphor.

        Reply

    • tragicallyludicrous

      Oh, my memories of teenage punks and their teenage punk shows. (My sort of friend’s band was called The STDs and I went to a lot of their shows in weird locations.)

      Reply

  3. maeesa

    I’m on the train right now and the WiFi doesn’t allow streaming of videos.
    What am I supposed to do right now? How am I supposed to live my life.

    Reply

    • brookshelley

      Are you near some cigarettes? Are you near some teens? Can you pretend there’s a lawn chair? You can recreate these scenes on the train with the right lighting.

      Reply

      • GreenGrasses

        Are you near some teens

        Reply

  4. dakimel

    The internet is simply the best.

    Reply

  5. Jaya

    The weather channel told me it’d be «teens tonight» so I hope it means this happens.

    Reply

    • EPWordsnatcher

      The most magical mental images&#8230

      Repl
      y

  6. rangiferina

    just based on these blurry screencaps, the kid on the far right reminds me of Harris from Freaks and Geeks.

    (also this is absolutely wonderful. god bless the internet and teenage dirtbags everywhere.)

    Reply

  7. littleinfinity

    teens

    Reply

    • EPWordsnatcher

      Oh my god that’s lovely.

      Reply

    • somanybees

      Have you seen Kate Beaton’s Mystery Solving Teens?

      Reply

  8. malloryelis

    COS IM JUST A TEENAGE DIRTBAAAG BABYYY

    Reply

    • literaltrousersnake

      Toast stance Kareoke Revoked.

      Reply

    • sluts4ever

      I woke up with that song in my head this morning.

      Reply

  9. JocastaCarr

    Oh my god can we get them to act out scenes from Hamlet?

    Reply

    • Madge Howlet

      This is all I want from this life. Forget family, friends, career just Dirtbag Hamlet on YouTube forever.

      Reply

  10. safvn

    Lindsay is lying in bed at 1 a.m., listening to «Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl,» and thinking about the way the smoke curls from their mouths.

    Reply

    • leider hosen

      Oh Lindsay, sweetie, someday you will not be a teenager anymore, and it will be better, I promise.

      Reply

      • leider hosen

        I mean, if someone said that to me as a teenager, I would have wanted to punch them, but the point still stands. Lindsay!

        Reply

    • ofTrebond

      Oh, Lindsay. Going to activities you don’t care about because some dirtbag you like invited you. Sitting awkwardly, so bored, trying to show you are game without knowing what’s going on, while said dirtbag’s friends resent your presence. You have your own interests and personality and opinions, and yet here you are. I know that feel.

      Reply

  11. SorchaMaire

    Just reading this triggered a coughing fit can you imagine how bad that garage smells? I just&#8230 nope. Nope nope nope.

    Reply

  12. MacCrocodile

    So cool&#8230 . I wish I were that cool.

    Reply

  13. Emby

    I must differ with your conclusion. Art, as I understand it, involves some remove from real life. Here this is no remove. There is no guile. There is no cunning to their presentation, no artistic filter. Our watching it might constitute art, but there are no artists only teens smoking cigarettes.

    Reply

    • Emby

      And I’m not saying you’re wrong, understand. Just that maybe the second half of your proclamation is the correct half. Nothing is art.

      Reply

    • malloryelis

      FUCK OFF I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T «GET IT»

      Reply

  14. Cliterary Analyses

    Maaaan. These kids have a sophistication that always (and still does) eluded me at that age. And they’re not even high, the conversational flow and coherency are too smooth.

    Reply

  15. the lovecats

    Waterbed??!

    Reply

  16. B binn

    Is it weird I expected them to display the cigarettes as one would do in a makeup tutorial, palm behind the cig?

    Reply

  17. CleverManka

    There are times that I regret being a Good Girl in my teenage years. Right now I regret it A LOT. God damn these kids are awesome.

    Reply

  18. LilWombat

    i am hopelessly in love with double bandana. where is he now? will he grow his ponytail back for me?

    Reply

  19. mollyculetheory

    I am pretty sure that I would have had such a huge crush on Leftmost Dirtbag in high school. Look at those angelic little dirtbag cheekbones! It would have been the sort of crush where you never actually speak but once locked eyes during a detention you got for losing the brown paper cover of your Calculus textbook. You hiked your cheerleading skirt up a little more and drew the Wu Tang symbol incorrectly on your new book cover in case that was something he was into, in case he might notice.

    GOD YOU COULD NOT PAY ME TO BE A TEENAGER AGAIN.

    Reply

    • JocastaCarr

      That was so very much what being a teenager with a crush was like for me. «I’m too nervous to talk to him or make eye contact for more than 2 seconds, but if I wear the right outfit or just hope fervently enough, maybe he’ll notice me and totes ask me out!» Haha, sigh. Not enough money in the world to go through that a second time.

      Reply

      • LittlestOak

        It doesn’t matter that I avert my eyes every time my crush looks in my general direction he’ll totally notice the cool lip gloss I obsessively applied before class!

        Reply

    • Elsajeni

      Right? I would have been so painfully in love with these dirtbags when I was in high school. It’s sending me off on a heartachey reverie about the actual teenage dirtbags I was painfully in love with in high school (where are they now, how disappointed would they be to see how uncool I’ve become, etc.).

      Reply

      • mollyculetheory

        The major dirtbag I never spoke to was named Richie. I remember this cable knit sweater he used to wear (o piquant contrast to his fundamental drooginess!) and his wispy little protostache, but I forget his last name. In the age of Google perhaps that is a mercy.

        Reply

        • leider hosen

          «The major dirtbag I never spoke to» is such a wonderful phrase, and also incredibly painfully familiar. I’m SO glad not to be in high school anymore, wow. My major dirtbag I never spoke to was really good at biking and skateboarding, had an asymmetrical haircut, and probably said thanks to me one time when I held a door open or something.

          Reply

    • CleverManka

      My teen self would have been all over Right Hand Dirtbag because Eyeglasses.

      Reply

      • keythah

        Gods, yes. Without the glasses, I would’ve found him too intimidatingly cool to even fantasize about.

        Reply

  20. Brunhildenburg

    Re KOOLS > «We’ve gotten a lot of requests to review these»

    I love these kids so much. Oh to be back in my wifebeater and cargo shorts, pack of Marlboro Reds in one pocket and a bottle of Black Velvet in the other, both middle fingers extended while wearing too much eyeliner.

    Fuck their assessment of KOOLS, though.

    Reply

  21. highfivesforall

    If you don’t like Led Zeppelin you don’t like music

    Reply

  22. meetapossum

    The only way to smoke a Crush is to smoke it regular and then crush it halfway through. (Cigarettes, I miss you, sort of.)

    Reply

  23. Jenna Leigh Evans

    Would it spoil the magic if I said they might be creating their own version of a podcast done by grownups? Before Mallory hurls an object at my head, though wait! the podcast, called Getting Doug with High, is basically an infomercial for cannabis products in which Doug plus guests smoke dope onscreen and review it BUT STILL WAIT the one I saw featured Aubrey Plaza and Alia Shakwat, getting high in real time on camera. Which caused me to fall in love with one of them even more than I was already in love with other. Have I escaped object hurlage?

    Reply

  24. Jenna Leigh Evans

    I don’t mean to dis
    miss it as art, though!

    Reply

  25. msjinxie

    Oh shiiiiiit guys Buzzfeed has jumped on the Teen Dirtbag Love Train

    Reply

  26. leider hosen

    «Yeah, I’m a little tired, I just got back from visiting a college, so.»

    OH GOD, HIGH SCHOOL FLASHBACKS. Oh god, wow. I would have been so into these assholes, at least in a distant way. facepalm

    Reply

  27. bumbleblu

    Nostalgia!

    Mallory, your love for teenage dirtbags keeps me going.

    Reply

  28. keythah

    I was just congratulating myself for having inadvertently kicked my drunk smoke habit. Now that old ish pack of Blacks in my nightstand is calling my name so hard.

    Reply

    • CleverManka

      I once found a pack of Mores (I fucking love More Menthols, sue me) in the glove box of my car. I estimated they’d been there for at least three months of a blistering Kansas late summer/early fall. I smoked them anyway because those things are nearly $9/pack and they were DELIGHTFUL.

      Not that I’m encouraging you or whatever. I would never do that to another teenage dirtbag with eyeglasses crusher. I’m just. You know. Relating my own experience.

      Reply

  29. Echolocation

    I really miss my teenage dirtbag days. Smoking across the street from school and hating the MAN running away from the security dude so he wouldn’t catch us smoking weed behind school. Some of the dudes I hung out with then are gone now and it’s still so hard to articulate to how important their friendship was and still is to me. They were really good people, and the world sucks nads now that they’re gone.

    Reply

  30. Lu3

    What is a teenage dirtbag, tho? I am an Old.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked

Name

Email

Website

The best e-cigarette brands of 2014

There are no if or buts to the threats of smoking. This is why the presence of e Cigarette brand names is a big league accomplishment. There are numerous reasons it would certainly be better to substitute real cigarettes with e cigarettes. It s remarkable that a person could smoke them in public spots given that it sends out vapor instead of smoke. It s the perfect method to quit smoking without having to torture on your own with abstinence. There are various e cigarette brand names around. Here are some of the very best brand names of 2014.

i) V2 Cigarettes These e Cigarettes have actually been rated the best in the marketplace. They offer a range that considerate of anyone. There depend on 5 starter sets. This brand name of cigarettes has an impressive similarity in flavor to genuine tobacco cigarettes. It has intriguing flavors such as vanilla, menthol and coffee. There is likewise a wide range of add ons readily available to far better your cigarette smoking experience. You could obtain progressed batteries and mobile asking for cases. You could additionally acquire e cig juice to replenish you cigarette once it dries.

ii) VaporZone VaporZone item assortments include express, benefit, rebel, pulse, jet and air. There are certain facets concerning this cigarette brand that stick out. Its vapor durability is wonderful. This is given that it has solid batteries. The vapor goes as much back into your throat like a real cigarette. This is terrific for those who like strong cigarettes. It also has an array of magnificent blends and flavors. One would have an assortment to chose from. They included an assortment of menthol flavors, 15 dessert tastes and 15 fruit assortments. These are however a few of the offered tastes.

iii) South Coastline Smoke Its tastes include Peppermint, Vanilla, Watermelon, Peach, Vanilla, Menthol, Tobacco Mint, Cherry, Delicious chocolate, Tobacco Classic, Grape Hookah, Pina Colada, Golden Tobacco, Double Apple Hookah and Peach. It has a lengthy electric battery life. It s has likewise been packaged in a wonderful package selection. There are different starter kits readily available. It also has an eye catching appearance as the mouth item is created to feel and look like the traditional cigarette.

iv) Bull Smoke Its Wild West theme makes it attract attention from other e cigarette brand names. In case you have virtually any inquiries relating to in which in addition to tips on how to use e cigarette brands (sneak a peek at this site), you can call us with our own page. It s additionally a great item as a result of it maintains a friendly rate without jeopardizing worth. it has effective electric batteries, implying its vapor power will certainly sure attack your neck.

v) Green Smoke This brand name has actually been in the market for a remarkable amount of time. It is extremely inexpensive and offers range for the customer. It s great for folks that are brand new to e cigarettes. Its vapor energy is average. It nevertheless does not provide a refill choice, indicating you will certainly need to keep purchasing cigarettes.

vi) Halo G6 E Cig Review They have a great look and impressive product packaging. It has 2 electric batteries, a short guidebook one and a lengthy automated one. The long auto electric battery has a much longer life while the short manual electric battery produces more powerful vapor.

In summary, it you are planning to quit cigarette smoking after that you could start by changing to any of the very best e cigarettes available on the market. It will certainly be an under taxing transition. It s worth every dime.


4 комментария to “Teens reviewing cigarettes”

  1. ctions on e-cigarettes — european lung foundation[uk]

    • illegal trade To reduce the number of illegal tobacco products on the market, member states should guarantee that single packets and transport packaging are identified with a mark enabling them to be traced, say MEPs. 700,000 deaths per year in the EU Twelve years after the current directive entered

  2. rettes is sold in 85mm soft packs , 80mm hard packs , and 100mm soft and hard packs. They are available in standard packs of 20 cigarettes, as well as the more unusual 25s, containing 25 cigarettes. Prior to the signing of the Tobacco Master Settlement Agreement in the late 1990s, they were sold in

  3. Pouches, and Tube Injectors. Pipe Tobacco In our stores, you will frequently find special discounts on pipe tobacco. Smokeless Tobacco We offer special discounts on smokeless tobacco products including chewing tobacco, dipping tobacco, nasal snuff, and snus. Several of these name brand products that

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.